


desperate in the hearts of men

by princ3ssf33t



Series: living through our history [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Accidental Marriage, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, I reject your canon and substitute my own, Post-Episode: s05e16 The Lawless, Satine Kryze Lives, let Obi-Wan be happy dammit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:21:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24219553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princ3ssf33t/pseuds/princ3ssf33t
Summary: When the news of Duchess Satine Kryze's death is announced over the Holonet, Anakin finds himself lost in a swirl of emotion. He needs to find Obi-Wan. He needs to comfort his wife. He needs to do something. And if the only thing he can do it be there for his friend as he grieves, then he's gonna do it.Because sometimes even the most ardent Jedi needs someone to listen to them.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Satine Kryze, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker
Series: living through our history [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1808389
Comments: 15
Kudos: 177





	desperate in the hearts of men

Anakin was afraid of what would await him when he finally reached his master’s side. 

He’d been lounging with his wife at home when the news broke. And as enraptured as he was with his wife’s presence beside him, an increasing rarer thing the longer the war dragged on, Anakin doubted he would have heard anything about it unless C-3P0 handed rushed in before exclaiming anxiously that they needed to turn on the Holonet. 

Anakin had been perfectly content to ignore the droid, but Padmé broke their embrace to turn the Holonet on. Anakin wasn’t sure which annoyed him more; the fact that Threepio had disobeyed orders not to interrupt his free evening with his wife, or the fact that his wife had actually left their cuddles to find out whatever the bad news was. 

Before he had the chance to make that decision and protest to whomever it was that caused the greatest annoyance, the Holonet was on the news anchor was speaking. 

“—news of yet another Civil War breaking out on the Neutral System of Mandalore. Details are light as to the cause of the conflict, but rumors of an attempted coup by the terrorist faction known as Death Watch circulate heavily,” said the twi’lek anchor. She paused as she pressed her hand to the muff around one of her ears cones. As she listened, her impassive face twisted into something else. 

The only emotion Anakin could equate it to was disgust.

“Hold on a moment, folks,” she said. “I’m getting new information.”

“Oh, poor Satine,” Padmé whispered. “I hope she’s alright.”

Anakin tore his eyes from the projection to look at his wife. He had not been aware that she and the Duchess of Mandalore were such close friends. Padmé had one arm folded across her chest and propped the other against it to bite at her nails. 

A nervous habit of hers when she was safe from the public eye he’d learned after they’d married. 

“We are now getting reports that the ruler of Mandalore, Duchess Satine Kryze is dead. With the planet on lockdown—”

There was more that the anchor said, but Anakin heard none of it. Like one of the great sandstorms on Tatooine, the only thing he could hear was a dull roar. He was vaguely aware that his wife collapsed back down onto their bed with tears streaming down her face. He did not register the Holonet being shut off or that Threepio had left them in the wake of the news. 

It was only when his name was called repeatedly that he was able to draw himself free of the roar. 

“Anakin, do you think that the reports are true? Could Satine really be—?” The strength to finish her final question eluded her. 

Likewise did the ability to speak for Anakin. Instead he only did what he could do; he gathered his wife into his arms and held her tight. Padmé continued to cry on her husband’s shoulder for a few minutes before she pulled back and wiped her eyes. 

“You should check on Obi-Wan,” she said. “He just arrived on Coruscant, hasn’t he?”

“What?” Anakin gasped. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to see Obi-Wan; there was a part of his heart that was practically screaming for him to race to his friend’s side. But he couldn’t leave his wife when she was mourning too. 

“You told me that he was in love with her, right?” Her voice grew stronger with each word she said. “Imagine what he must be feeling by now. Hearing of a loved one’s death over the Holonet?”

There were unspoken words at the end of her statement, but Anakin didn’t want to think about them. If only because he would never allow it to happen. 

But there rang truth in her words. If there was anyone who needed support, it would be Obi-Wan right then. Anakin approached his wife, arms extended as if reaching for a hug. He wasn’t going to touch her, but if she came to him, he would stay. She remained where she sat. 

“Are you sure?” He asked. 

“Yes,” she said. “Now go. Find Obi-Wan. He’ll need you.” 

Giving his wife a nod, Anakin turned and left for the Jedi Temple. 

The ride over was silent and it gave Anakin plenty of time to dwell in his head. The roar of the sandstorm returned to his ears, but this time it was accompanied by his own worries. 

Had Obi-Wan heard the news yet? Would he have to be the one to break the news that the woman he once would have left the Jedi Order for was dead? How would his former master take it? Would he break down and lash out? If Anakin had to receive news such as this, that was the reaction he was liable to exhibit. Would Obi-Wan just dismiss it and move on with life, like nothing had changed? 

Anakin wasn’t sure which option scared him more. 

He pulled into the Temple’s Hanger and barely turned off the engine to his speeder before he had jumped out and was striding through the Temple. He didn’t call out for his former master, there was no need to draw more attention to him than necessary. 

It didn’t stop him from increasing his pace until he was practically running through the halls to reach the chambers that Obi-Wan used when he was back on Coruscant. 

“Skywalker!”

Anakin skidded to a halt and spun to see Master Windu walking toward him. Anakin did his best not to grimace. 

“Yes, Master Windu?” He said. Anakin attempted to temper his impatience, but he found he didn’t want to. 

The way Anakin’s eyes continually flickered away from the slow approaching master did not escape Windu’s notice. 

“Have somewhere to be Skywalker?” Windu said, in that way he always did when he already knew the answer. 

“Yes, as a matter of fact. I was on my way to meet with Master Kenobi. There are things I wish to discuss with him.” Which was technically not a lie. 

Master Windu hummed and folded his arms across his chest. He looked down his nose at Anakin, the way he had when Anakin first arrived. It made Anakin feel much like when he was a slave on Tatooine. He hated that feeling. 

“Perhaps now is not the right time to be with Master Kenobi,” Windu said. “He’s attempting to meditate.”

Anakin narrowed his eyes. Meditation? That was what Windu was using to prevent people from seeing a man who was probably in the grasp of grief? Anakin knew it was a thin excuse, and knew much of the Order would too, yet the audacity for Windu to use it almost made him lose whatever tenuous grip he had on his temper when dealing with the Council member. 

“I understand, Master. I shall leave a message in his apartment then.” 

Anakin turned away from the Council member without being dismissed and started walking toward the section of the Temple where all the Jedi made their home when on Coruscant. He could hear Windu calling after him as he picked up his jog to get to his former master as quickly as he could. Let him get reprimanded for his actions later. Right now he needed to be with his master. 

He skid to a stop in front of the door that hid his master’s quarters from the rest of the world. Anakin lifted his hand and went to knock before he paused. Using the Force, Anakin reached out to see if he could sense Obi-Wan on the other side of the door. 

Obi-Wan was there all right. Anakin pressed further, in an attempt to distinguish just how his friend was feeling. He was only able to glean a single feeling from his master before Kenobi noticed his presence and Anakin was forced out of his mind. 

Pain. 

That had been the emotion Kenobi was feeling. 

A whisper in the back of his mind — that sounded suspiciously like Windu — told him to leave Kenobi alone, but he shoved it aside and opened the door to his master’s quarters without any further hesitation. 

“Obi-Wan,” he began, like he arrived with something important to say, before his voice cut out. He stood in silence attempting to take in the sight in front of him. 

His master was sitting in front of the desk that was identical to every other desk in every other room in this portion of the Temple. Except that Obi-Wan’s was entirely cleared of all effects save a holoprojector. His head was hanging down, his face covered by his hands as he leaned over the desk itself. Obi-Wan’s appearance, normally polished, was disheveled. His hair was standing straight up in places, and slicked against his head in others. When Anakin looked closely, he thought he could see something damp in the portions that were flat to his head. 

He blamed the shadows at the darkness that liquid took. It was only sweat. That was all. 

Instead of the usual Jedi robes Obi-Wan normally wore, he was outfitted with a close fitting black suit with pieces of red armor attached to it. Anakin was surprised at the change of attire, but dismissed the change as he attempted to get his master to look at him properly. 

“Master?” He asked. His voice went quiet, not unlike when Qui-Gon died and his future was tossed in the air. 

Fear, his brain supplied. 

Slowly, Obi-Wan lifted his head to look at his former Padawan. Anakin had to make the conscious effort to prevent himself from taking a step backwards. 

It was an understatement to say Obi-Wan looked like shit. Bruises had bloomed up one side of his face, and his lower lip was split. Fresh blood lingered at the surface of his lips, and when he opened his mouth, the red tint stained his front teeth. His eyes almost seemed as red as his hair, and dark circles only accentuated the bags underneath his eyes. The worst part is that Anakin didn’t think that Obi-Wan was really seeing him. 

“Anakin?” Obi-Wan’s voice sounded like he had spent the last few hours gargling acid. “What are you doing here?” 

Anakin steeled himself and took a couple steps closer to his friend. He used the Force to pull himself a stool from across the room and sat down upon it. 

“I just heard the news about the Duchess. I came to check on you.” 

He didn’t need the Force to know that Obi-Wan was attempting to put on a brave face for the younger man. Obi-Wan swallowed before he attempted to speak again. 

“I’ll be fine.” 

Anakin let out a Huttese curse and scrubbed his hands through his lengthening hair. 

“Don’t lie to me Obi-Wan. You look like complete shit and no matter how talented you are at shielding, I know how you feel. I  _ felt  _ it.” 

Obi-Wan closed his eyes and turned away from Anakin. One of his hands rose to cover his mouth. It trembled. If Anakin didn’t know any better, he would have thought that the Council member was about to be sick. Then again, perhaps he was. The Jedi weren’t known for their ability to experience emotion, so the sudden onslaught of one as powerful as grief could unsettle even the most stone faced individual. And to be forced to deal with it alone… 

But Obi-Wan wasn’t alone. Anakin was there for this exact purpose. 

“Obi-Wan, talk to me. We— I’m worried about you. Hearing about the fate of a loved one over the Holonet isn’t normal.” 

Obi-Wan remained silent. He actually turned his face further away from Anakin’s. As he did so, Anakin was sure that he saw the older man’s eyes squeeze shut. 

Irritation bubbled up inside of Anakin. Here he was, trying to help his oldest friend, and Obi-Wan was turning his back on his generous offer. Unable to help himself, he glared at the distressed man in front of him. 

It was only then that he realized just what Obi-Wan was wearing. It was armor, but not like any of the armor that the Clone Troopers wore. No, this was Mandalorian armor. For a moment, Anakin tried to come up with where Obi-Wan would have been able to come up with the armor, before he realized. 

“You were there,” he breathed. 

A sound escaped Obi-Wan, but it was too muffled for Anakin to make out what it was. 

“You were there,” Anakin repeated, louder with more strength. “You were on Mandalore when it went down. Did you— did you see what happened?” 

Obi-Wan’s head tilted to one side. Like he was attempting to crack his neck. Or rid his brain of something unpleasant. 

“You did, didn’t you?” Anakin forced himself to swallow. It felt like he was attempting to swallow a rock. “Oh Force, Obi-Wan, I can’t even imagine what— or how—”

The ability to speak words seemed to fail Anakin, a trait that hadn’t seemed to plague him before. The silence that hung in the air around them seemed thicker than that in a swamp, and for a moment, Anakin wished he hadn’t come. That he hadn’t opened his mouth. 

He reached out and gently rested a hand against Obi-Wan’s shoulder. There was no denying the sudden tenseness that swept through the older man’s frame but it was gone almost as quickly as it disappeared. Anakin sent a wave of comfort and sympathy toward the Jedi Master and retreated to the door. There wasn’t much else he could do. 

Anakin was about to open the door when he heard Obi-Wan’s voice. It wasn’t even a whisper, but there was no denying what was being said. 

“The Duchess— Satine— called upon the Jedi Council, upon me, for help when Death Watch took the capital. I was ordered not to go. ‘It’s an internal affair,’ they told me.” Each word was forced out. 

“But you went anyway,” Anakin filled in when Obi-Wan paused. 

“I went anyway. I couldn’t, I couldn’t stand by when someone was asking me for my help.”

_ The fact that your former lover was the one calling probably didn’t help much _ , Anakin thought to himself. 

“We almost made it out without incident. We had almost made it to safety when they caught us. After everything she went through, after her forced abdication, her imprisonment, I failed her. I had to watch as Maul tortured her right in front of me. Because of me.” With each word, Obi-Wan’s volume grew louder. And the distress in his voice became more evident as the volume increased. 

“Obi-Wan,” Anakin started, turning back around to face him. 

“I was helpless. I watched as my wife was tortured in front of me, and I could do  _ nothing _ .” As quickly as his volume had gone up earlier, was nothing compared to the way his voice dropped back down to barely a whisper. 

There was more silence that followed after that statement, and Anakin found that when he spoke again, he could barely speak over a whisper. 

“Your— Your wife?” he asked. 

Obi-Wan lifted his head suddenly, like he hadn’t realized what he said and only when it was repeated back to him did he realize. He moved, dropping his hand from his face and slowly turning around to look at Anakin. His bruised and grimey face was pale as he looked back at the younger man. 

“You married the Duchess? When? How?” There were hundreds of questions coursing through Anakin’s veins now, as well as conflicting emotions. The joy at hearing his friend had partnered with the woman he loved, the anger that Obi-Wan had never told him, the disgust that Obi-Wan had ever dared to lecture him about his relationships, the utter despair that Obi-Wan had to stand there and watch, helpless as his wife was murdered in front of him. 

Anakin felt sick. 

“Nuh— Nothing was ever official,” Obi-Wan stammered. “There was a festival on one of the backwater worlds we were hiding on during the time Qui-Gon and I guarded her before her ascent to the throne. Satine and I, we got carried away in the festivities. I didn’t even know what we did until years later when Satine told me.” A pained smile appeared on Obi-Wan’s face for a moment. “She found it terribly funny. A paradox, almost. There was no evidence to prove the marriage happened, yet there was. She always seemed to bring it up at least once whenever we met afterwards.” 

“And you just let her go?” Anakin was having a hard time processing the information he was being told. It was too much, yet not enough. 

Obi-Wan leveled a glare that Anakin knew. How often had he been on the receiving end of it while he was a Padawan?

“There wasn’t anything to be done,” Obi-Wan said evenly. “Despite the way we felt, and what happened at that festival, we still had jobs to do. Her duty was to her people and to Mandalore, and by that time, I had you to raise and teach.”

“Bu— But you called her your wife?” Anakin took a few steps closer and flopped down on the stool he had been sitting in before. 

“A man cannot be blamed for what he says while in distress,” Obi-Wan said. He glanced away and stared at the bare surface of his desk. “No matter the truth.” 

Anakin looked at Obi-Wan. Studied him really. There was still a heaviness that lingered around him, his shoulders were still slumped, and the way he moved gave Anakin reason to suspect that there were more injuries hiding underneath that armor. But the tightness that had wound him when Anakin first arrived wasn’t there. With the Force, he reached out to touch Obi-Wan’s mind. Despite the tightly woven shields around his mentor’s mind, he could feel that the pain had diminished. Not a whole lot, barely anything, but it wasn’t the agony that had slammed into him before. 

“What are you going to do now?” Anakin asked. He found it hard to look at Obi-Wan’s face. He found it hard to look at Obi-Wan anymore. There was so much he didn’t know about him. What else had Obi-Wan hid from him?

The sound of Obi-Wan scratching his beard reached Anakin’s ears. 

“I’m going to go to the Council and request a leave of absence—”

“What!?” Anakin practically shouted the word as he jumped to his feet. “You’re going to leave us, in the middle of a galaxy-wide war?” 

Anakin was panicking, even if the logical side of his brain told him that there was no reason too. If Obi-Wan hadn’t left the Jedi Order when he discovered that he had accidentally married the Duchess of Mandalore, it wasn’t likely that he would leave now. But the thought that he was about to lose his best friend, his oldest friend gripped him. 

Obi-Wan lifted his hands as a gesture of surrender to calm the young general. 

“A temporary leave of absence, Anakin,” he elaborated. “Only for about a month or so. I would never just abandon you, or the troops when you still need me. I just… I need some time to clear my head and take care of some things regarding this whole affair. I will be back. I swear.” 

Anakin swallowed again and nodded. Slowly, he lowered himself down to his seat once again. It was okay; everything was alright. Obi-Wan wasn’t going to leave permanently. He’d be back. 

“Is there anything I can do for you?” Anakin asked. He knew that if he didn’t ask, his wife would make him sleep on the couch outside their bedroom. And he didn’t want to do that again. It gave him such back pain when he woke up. 

Obi-Wan smiled. A small one, but it was genuine. He reached out and rested a hand on Anakin’s shoulder. 

“I appreciate the offer, but I must decline. There are some things a man must take care of himself.” 

Anakin nodded, understanding, but not exactly pleased with the answer. He patted Obi-Wan on the shoulder gently as well. 

“I’m here if you need me,” he said, before he stood and made his exit. He glanced back at his master before the door closed him off from the rest of the Temple. Obi-Wan had returned to a similar position he had been in when Anakin first arrived. His head was resting on his hands and he was staring at the holoprojector sitting on the desk. 

Had Anakin stayed in Obi-Wan’s quarter a minute longer, he would have seen the holoprojector light up with an incoming message. He would have seen how Obi-Wan scrambled to answer it. He would have heard his voice crack as he asked for the well-being of a woman. And he would have seen how Obi-Wan Kenobi, stalwart Jedi Master, wept tears of joy when the medic on the other end of the call said, “Duchess Satine is stable. She’s sedated for the time being, but we expect that she’ll be awake within the next few hours. I’ll send you coordinates with our location once we drop out of hyperspace. I’m sure you would like to see your wife as soon as possible.”

He would have seen how Obi-Wan smiled like he had never smiled before. 

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize if anyone has come off as OOC. I literally wrote this whole thing in an afternoon, and I haven't written anything with these particular characters before. I finished the last season of The Clone Wars recently and this AU has been bouncing around my head since then. So I sat down and wrote it. There's a whole universe that was created behind this fic, so I expect to return to this AU sometime. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
